


I will never forget you

by TroubleMoi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Character Death, Hurt, Love, M/M, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-19 22:33:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14882471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TroubleMoi/pseuds/TroubleMoi
Summary: I loved you, I love you and I will always love you. As far as my heart knows, you were the only one. The one who gave me harmony in an unstable world. You came to me like a beautiful storm, unexpected lighting striking my heart and ravaging everything in his way but you ended up blossoming in it with your telling eyes, your feather lips, your whole being.





	I will never forget you

**Author's Note:**

> I have been feeling really low lately and I needed to write something like this.

I suppose I should have told you more often how much you meant to me, how much your presence eased my mind and my heart. I remember you in your purest form, wild, beautiful and free. A spontaneous soul, not caring for tomorrows and experiencing life at his fullest. But you traded your freedom for me and I asked myself back then if I really ever deserved that you take such a decision. But in your eyes, I was enough. 

I loved you, I love you and I will always love you. As far as my heart knows, you were the only one. The one who gave me harmony in an unstable world. You came to me like a beautiful storm, unexpected lighting striking my heart and ravaging everything in his way but you ended up blossoming in it with your telling eyes, your feather lips, your whole being. 

I have never regretted a day, a minute, a second with you. While you offered me your whole, I hoped I gave you back enough. For your anger, your sadness, your joy and your pride you let me, witness, I am grateful. I just hope I could have comforted you more. 

Life has such a strange mechanism because your mere presence could change the grey sky to Azure, make the walk along the coast an adventure and give soul to unanimated objects. Since you left, the world loses a little each day his vibrancy. I just hope that when you were there we could see the same colour.

I have many regrets. I should have told my parents I was proud of them and that I was grateful for everything they had done for me. When I lost them, you held my hand, when I was confined in deep sorrowfulness, you held my hand, when I screamed at you still held my hand. You were the antidote to my chaotic mind and my devastated soul. I should have told you how the way you hold your cup, the way your nose wrinkled when you laughed, the way your eyes lighted up, made every morning worth waking up for. And then maybe, maybe it would have hurt less. I love every part of you. I just hope you knew that. 

When I met you, your essence was impregnated directly in me and for some odd reasons, it seemed like my heart has always known you. As if I was waiting for you to turn my life upside down for the longest time. I am deeply certain you were there for me in every horizon, time and era. I pray for God I can meet you again. 

Sickness is really the evil of this world and you were so so strong to have fought all this time. You cannot know how proud I am of you, my love. Your terrible paleness, your faded eyes, and slow breathing, still remain before my eyes when I try to sleep. And each time those images of you lying in that impersonal bed sprung it makes my heart quietly perishes. But I will never forget the real you, wild, beautiful and free. I will never forget your arms around my neck, your hair dancing with the wind, your eyes full of malice and playfulness.

You were my world. You still are. 

Erwin held a small wake in his home. Unwillingly. Only their close friends and family were present. His best friend and wife helped him the most. At one point, Erwin couldn’t bear the thickness inside the house so he went outside sitting in the patio and contemplating the sea. It was his idea, the house by to the sea. He recalled Levi being against it because their home would be invaded by stupid sand and that it was clearly not ok. Erwin smiled picturing Levi scowling face. Nevertheless, he succeeded in convincing him that their life together will be wonderful here, far away from urban life, just the two of them. And it took forever but Levi finally complied. It was the best decision they have ever made. One night, while stars were shining brightly into the sombre sky, Levi nudged his head into the crook of Erwin's shoulders and told him to thank you. A simple word but full of meaning. Erwin kissed his fingers lightly and adjusted the wool plaid around them.

Erwin hand tightened around the letter he wrote for his love, not caring to wrinkle it. At one point the paper became soaked with salty liquid.

Erwin took his time to pack the house. He couldn’t stay there but he couldn’t find the strength to leave as well. They had their whole life in there. It was hard, he bought it for them, for their future. He recalled picturing the house filled with heavy laughter, toys spread everywhere and a dog in the patio. It was no good for a lonely man fighting the urge to throw himself to the sea to stay there. It was for them. The last time he stood in the house, it was empty. A lifetime summarized into dozen boxes. 

When Erwin Smith died, he left behind friends and family who mourned him deeply. He was known to be a wonderful man and who took care of people and has helped a lot more through his profession. But when he tragically lost the love of his life, something inevitably broke in him and he was just not the same anymore. He slowly recollected the pieces thought the picture could never be complete again. He lived because he promised him he would and that is what he did, he breathed but inside he was long gone. But even his promise to Levi couldn’t stand the test of time.

Erwin opened his eyes slowly, weirdly his head was not hurting anymore. It has been weeks he couldn’t sleep because of that and his heart was not fighting to broke his ribcage free. He remembered being in so much pain. He raised a hand to place it at his heart but stopped abruptly when he saw at it. He turned both of his hands around not understanding what he perceived. He was persuaded that the last time he saw them they were paler and wrinkled, now they had gold shade and the wrinkles were gone as if he went back to a certain time. The gentle whistle of the wind tickles his hear and looked around, he faced then the large turquoise space. He admired the waves meeting the shore and nostalgic feeling took possession of his body. He turned around hastily and that’s when he saw it. The house. their house. the tiny two-story cottage by the sea. The realisation hit Erwin as a thunderstorm. It couldn’t be. As his steps lead him to the house, he swore he said he would never come back here. His mind was filling with countless images, two tied souls walking around the beach, a smaller figure pinning him playfully into the sand, salty lips, and stormy eyes.  
His body felt light as a feather but his heart was heavier each step taken. He thought it would explode before he could even make it. But when he pushed the door open his heart stopped. Everything was… the same. He looked in the hallway, jackets were placed at the hanger and the shoes were neatly positioned. He arrived in the tiny living room and something was caught in his throat, all the pictures, they are there, this museum dedicated to their life together still intact. He wandered slowly around not daring to touch anything, he felt like if he did, it would disappear. Without realizing it, he arrived in front of a door. He remembered pushing Levi against it, devouring his mouth, his body warm. He remembered shutting the door because he didn’t know any other way to express his anger. He remembered his limbs trembling the last time he had to shut it finally. The door cracked open and Erwin pushed through. What he discovered made him cover his mouth. The bed was there, his cravat hanging in the chair, his books stored on the shelves, along with his other belongings. Erwin could smell him everywhere and he exhaled, eyes closing at the sensation. When he opened them again that is when he noticed something. On the nightstand in Levi’s side, laid a white paper. Erwin seized it in his hands and he attempted to read it but it was having a hard time because the paper was torn and the handwriting was unreadable. It was as if someone forgot it in the rain. But he tried anyway to read it and when he could decipher the first lines he chocked. It was the letter he wrote when Levi died. He had put it in the casket lying next to the inert body of his love. He couldn’t describe the absolute pain he felt at that moment. 

Erwin didn’t know how long he sat in the bed, the letter in his hands. But it was long enough for the room to deepen into a pink and orange hue as the sun went further down. A shutting door snapped him from his thoughts. He made his way to the origin of the noises and when he finally led him at the foot of the kitchen, the culprit stood there. The small figure’s back was facing him, busy at the sink. The narrow waist, the broad shoulders and the dark locks, Erwin could recognize him anywhere. The blonde’s feet were glued to the ground; he couldn’t think it. The other man turned leisurely around and as soon as his steely eyes were on him, Erwin’s legs gave up and he had to stand against the wall for fear of ending on the floor. 

“Erwin?” the man asked, voice tentative. His narrowed features gradually changed from disbelieve to pure joy.

“Le- Levi” Erwin sobbed, unable to say more. 

Levi approached and Erwin couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. “You took so long” Levi reprimanded gently and offered him the sincerest smile. 

Erwin observed him as if he was the most beautiful gift God has sent to him and he was undoubted. He stretched a trembling hand, Levi allowed him to caress his locks, his cheek, his mouth. Levi leaned into the touch, contented. 

“Oh my god… I miss you so much” Erwin whispered before grabbing him and embracing him with the same strength of waves hitting the shore.

“I miss you too” Levi whispered back in his ear, his eyes pricking as he felt the wetness in his neck. 

Erwin couldn’t let him go, he kept trying to tighten his embrace. They remained like that until the orange light faded completely into the horizon.

“I am so sorry,” Erwin says quietly. He adjusts the cover around them even though he couldn’t feel the icy wind that comes with starry night. he thinks about how impuissant he felt as Levi slipped away gradually from him. His promise to always take care of and protect him bitterly unfulfilled. 

Levi’s face poses gently in the crook of Erwin’s shoulder but his voice is clear and steady when he speaks “I have no regrets Erwin” He then searches his eyes “I will do it again and again if it is with you.

Erwin sighs “I wanted to give you everything Levi”

“You did”

They let the music of the waves rock them into peaceful silence for a while before Erwin raises his voice again “Can we stay like that forever?” Deep in his heart, he wishes that was not a dream. 

“Forever and more Erwin”


End file.
